At Least I'm Tan

A year ago, Matt and I went on vacation. I was working at that terrible terrible job, and I desperately needed to step away for a few days and get re-energized. I was miserably unhappy, so I thought some time off would help out. The day I returned to work was one of the worst days for me, though. After I got off, I walked around downtown to Matt's office crying. And not a hide-behind-my-glasses, cover-my-face-with-my-hair kinda crying; no, the mascara was streaky, my face was splotchy, and I was sobbing. And I didn't care. (I have to admit, it helped that there were plenty of crazy folks out that day also wandering about.) I knew at that moment I had had enough. That weekend Matt and I talked it through and I had a plan to quit and find my way into teaching.

We just got back from our Spring Break vacation a week ago and get this -- I was actually really excited to get back to work. Our last night of vacation I talked about how great it felt to love my job and that I felt so thankful. And my first day back was great. I caught up with my students, we started some great books, and I wore an awesome necklace. It was a very good day.

But now that I love my job, and my career is on the right path, I should be set, right? Well, because I was hired in November, my contract is temporary. This means, unlike most other teachers, my job is over at the end of the year unless I get rehired. I'm confident my principal likes me, and I know I've done a pretty good job, so I shouldn't be worried. Yesterday, though, my principal announced that enrollment is down by 130 kids and 8 positions will need to be cut. And since I'm a temporary teacher, my job is essentially the "cleanest" to cut. Which is really an awesome feeling.

I've been reading my prayers from the summer to remind myself of God's faithfulness. I'm trying to relax, but it's much easier to panic. I should be a pro at this whole trusting God thing at this point, but right now I'm just a pain in my own ass.

Afternoon Thoughts (To Put off Grading)

Lately, I've been in the mood to curl up in a corner and pray pray pray. The lazy girl in me hasn't found that corner, though, which is probably for the best since I don't clean the corners of our house very well. One of the best parts of my job is getting to know so many different types of people. I hear stories all day long that surprise me, make me laugh, make me sad, and make me want to find that corner and get to praying. Perhaps it's the fact that I chose to teach Candide, a book that satirizes optimism, but I have had my fill of brokenness over the past few weeks. The stories I have heard remind me of just how terribly broken we are and how much we hurt. Stories of dying parents, rejected gay siblings, cancer, abuse, depression, racism, poverty, suicide... I need that praying corner just to get me to the next day.

And yet, I feel grateful. I'm grateful that when someone tells me she's lost her faith, I can say then let me pray for you. I'm grateful for the reminder that we are broken. It's no coincidence that I'm reminded of our brokenness as we journey to the cross, to Easter.

The sun is out and our flowers are blooming, and I feel hope. And I know Easter is coming.

I Forgot This Thing Was For Writing

Seriously. I'm on here often enough to read other blogs, but rarely does it dawn on me to actually write. And of course since I have, oh, 800 billion papers sitting next time me waiting to be graded, I suddenly found something to blog.

Actually, I've got nothing.

But, hi. 29 more days until Spring Break!! We're going down to Cabo, (how very cliche, I know) and I can't wait. Actually, I wouldn't mind first going back in time, grabbing my body from our honeymoon, and holding on to it for dear life because that body? IS GONE. Do you know how long I stared at a picture of fried chicken and gravy today? Too long to admit. Deprivation is a bitch.

Other than that, school's going well. We barely made it through Hamlet, but we're now soaring through Candide. How lucky am I to teach Candide?! I want to hug my curriculum.

So that's all. Told you, I've got nothing -- except a huge stack of mediocre papers to read.

Christmas is Coming, The Goose Is Getting Fat

It's been a peaceful Advent season for Matt and me. Our church has led us to rethink Christmas, which has made this December somber, meaningful, and beautiful. We are so thankful for this. So thankful.

And on that note, a survey.

1. What kind of tree do you have?
We have a noble fir that we chopped down ourselves. (Actually, I stood there taking pictures while Matt worked. I did make sure to move the saw myself a few times just so I could say I helped. Which was hardly helpful of me.) In the past, we've always had a doug fir, which is lovely and all, but once we got out to the tree farm and compared the two... well, there's just no comparison. I'm in love with our tree right now, and I'm so sad it's almost time to recycle it.

2. What is your favorite Christmas movie?
Top 3: Home Alone 1, Elf, and Love Actually.

3. What is your favorite Christmas holiday food?
I hate how my family serves ham and only occasionally turkey. I HATE HAM. We usually have a delicious Christmas eve meal, though, like roast or soup. My mom also makes french toast Christmas morning, and my dad makes super crispy bacon, so it makes up for the ham fiasco. And as far as the sweets go, I love Snickers nutcrackers. Seriously, Snickers are infinitely better when in the shape of something. The lady at Target agrees with me.

4. Do you use wrapping paper or gift bags?
Here's where I'm torn. I love love love wrapping gifts and making them all pretty, and I also love ripping the paper off, but OH MY GOD. It creates an alarming amount of trash, and most wrapping paper cannot be recycled. I feel a little bit sick on Christmas morning picking up all the paper and filling two garbage bags. So it is better to use gift bags, but gift bags are way lame.

5. Do you have a nativity scene in your house?
Yes! And I love it! My parents got it for me last Christmas, and I was so excited to use it that I put it out on Thanksgiving. I stare at it a lot. Baby Jesus makes me happy.

6. What is your favorite Christmas song?
I feel silly that I don't have one favorite Christmas song. I love the ones that make me reflect. I have a chill Christmas mix that I have to listen to every day. Matt and I also do a fantastic duet to Baby, It's Cold Outside. And I can't hear Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas without laughing and dancing and thinking of Natalie, Katy, Amy, Mel, Mandy, and Brad.

7. What was the most memorable gift you received as a child?
One year in high school, my parents gave each of us kids something that once belonged to them. I got my mom's cross she had since high school, my sister got her ruby ring, and my brother got a baseball signed by someone cool from my dad. They each wrote us a letter explaining the significance. By far the most meaningful Christmas morning I remember.

8. What was the worst gift you ever received?
I don't remember. I usually like the gifts people buy me. I'm not picky, I suppose.

9. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
How unspiritual Christmas can feel. I read an article the other day in which an atheist said he feels completely comfortable celebrating Christmas because it has nothing to do with Jesus anymore. That bums me out.

10. Favorite thing about this time of year?
Family. My church. Jesus. You know, the good stuff.

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you feel peace and God.

Baby, It's a New Day

Oh, hi. You know when you're trying to come up with a really great introduction to some really great news and all you really want to do is just blurt it out and have everyone toast to you and praise Jesus for some mighty fine providing skills?

I got a job! HELLS YEAH.

That's right, folks. I'm totally a high school English teacher. (I'm still so tickled to say that.) I have keys to the classrooms, a desk to call home, and 100 names to learn. Last week was my first week teaching, and it was hard and overwhelming and awesome. And I love it. This is what I get to teach: creative writing (already fantastic), literacy (very challenging), and classic world lit (surprisingly a lot of fun). I'm very thankful.

I'm creating most my curriculum, which is fun but also a ton of work. So here's my request: to all my writer friends and English majors (and anyone else, please!), any excellent creative writing ideas you remember that you'd like to pass my way? I'm trying to channel Mrs. Kirk in class, but I'm afraid she's way too good to be channeled.

Also, I must decide between Macbeth and Hamlet. Thoughts?

And finally, everyone must know how incredibly grateful I feel right now. It's a new day.

How a 6th Grader Apologizes

I've been subbing now for over a month and, surprisingly, I love it. I was always so afraid to be a sub, but it's not nearly as bad as I expected and it's a great chance to sharpen my classroom management skills. Also, I'm trying to befriend every secretary at every high school so she can keep me posted on any job openings (because this district doesn't actually advertise open positions). Overall, it's a pretty great job and I am much happier than I ever was at my previous employer.

I only sub for high school and middle school, which seems like I'd have plenty of horror stories to share. Honestly, though, the students have all been pretty good, and as long as they're not loud enough for the teacher next door to come over, I'm okay. So far, I've only had to leave two negative notes for the teacher. To me, that's awesome.

Last week, I subbed for a middle school art class. Most of the classes were respectful and easy-going. But there was one class of 6th graders that was unbelievably terrible. I exhausted all levels of punishment left by the teacher and still they continued being awful human beings. By the end of the period, I hated who I was: a cold, mean bitch. I just wanted them gone. And after they left, I wrote a letter to the teacher.

This morning, I checked the mail and received a package from the middle school. I opened it and found 30 handwritten letters of apology to me. Here's some of the best:

"Ms. W always says, "Do they lock you up and make you stay absolutely silent all day long?" The answer is no, we just are apparently disrespectful of subs and teachers during this part of the day."

"I conclude that I am sorry for our bad behaviour and hope that you don't end up quit teaching because of us."

"I would like to apologize on behalf of my classmates. I know it must have been very tiring for you... p.s. I feel I was on task most of the time."

"I'm sorry for my classmates about their rude behavior. I hope that they will be more respectful next time you sub. I was sitting in the front left table. I was the one with blond hair and helped you with the class. Hopefully my classmates will apologize with respect."

"I know that I was talking a little bit and I am very sorry. It's just because I knew all that stuff on clay."

"I'm not sorry for not talking. I am sorry for all my classmates. I was on task."

Now that's awesome.

How I Spent My Fall Break

Or, that week in which I decided to take off work (yes! I'm employed again!) and school.

Last week, Matt and I went down to Arkansas for a family visit. I spent all day Saturday with one of my old roommates, Mel, a lovely new mama. We took her baby, Callie, for a stroll around JBU and introduced her to the buildings and our memories. Walking through the old halls of our dorm with a baby was an interesting experience. Basically, Callie owes her life to JBU because without it Mel wouldn't have met her husband Nate and thus Callie would not have been created. Here, Callie is just bursting with gratitude:

Later, when Matt and Nate returned from the football game, Matt kindly read to Callie the book that he bought her. She really seemed to enjoy it.

Yep, that's a children's book about scabs. We found it at a book outlet, and it's translated from Japan. It says things like, "Can I eat my scabs?" and "This tastes like poop!" For all of you out there looking for that perfect Christmas gift, look no further. You're welcome.

On Monday, I went and stayed with our good friends Seth and Amber. Amber is one of my best friends, and together they're about as awesome and real as it gets. They have been a huge blessing to me over the many years we've been friends. Amber also just had her third kid, bringing the grand total to 3 boys ages 3 and under. So I thought I'd join in on the fun for a week. It was FANTASTIC.

L to R: Isaac, Ian, and Jude. Oh how I miss them crawling all over me. Seriously. When I got married, my sister said in her toast, "This is the happiest day of my life. Until I get married." And to say something similar, I love these kids the most. Until I have my own. Just look at them!

One of my favorite moments with the boys actually involved changing a dirty diaper. After his nap, Jude had one hell of a stinky mess in his pants. I wanted to be tough and not bother Amber with it, so I committed to changing it on my own. Isaac was sitting by me when I undid the diaper, and half-jokingly I said to him, "Woooo-wee, Isaac, I'm going to need some strength from the Lord for this one." And in my best southern voice, I smiled and said, "Help me, Jesus!" which Isaac continued to repeat. After it was over, Isaac and I high-fived and said, "Thank you, Jesus!" The next day, I was again changing Jude's diaper with Ike nearby. It wasn't a bad one, but Isaac ran up to me and leaned on my shoulder and said, "Did Jesus help you again?"

And that's how I spent my most awesome fall break.