Life has been a bit hectic around the Tatum house for the past week or so. It’s like all our meetings, volunteer activities, work projects, school work, and laundry joined forces and created an epic battle over our time and energy. And oh did we come out sore losers. Quite literally.
Matt recruited me to help him out on a project for some ugly Nike boot that will soon be seen in stores near you. If you’re in the ghetto. The project has become a beast of sorts, and Matt’s office got stuck with the task of packing and shipping a million displays, which meant that Matt, Bryan & Laura (such kind friends and lovely co-workers), and I got stuck with the task of packing and shipping a million displays. This is to say that none of us can walk straight or feel our legs or feet or properly use our brains anymore. We have become a delirious group of people, pulling saws out of our purses at Chili’s, shouting to the chickens that are running around the warehouse, and truly believing that one of us is going to get fired by Trump when we have to go to the boardroom tomorrow.
We are all exhausted and sore. I am so tired that last night I woke Matt while screaming and wiggling in bed. I had a dream that there was a spider, who also happened to be an illegal immigrant from Mexico, on my neck and I couldn't’t get it off. I hate having things on my neck. As Matt woke me up, I went from screaming to laughing because I just realized what was really going on. I also had a dream that The View had a new cast: an old bald man, Joy (the red head), and a 5 year old Asian girl. It was not very good.
So today, I am tired. And I know the others are as well. But I have to admit, it has been fun watching Matt in action. He’s a pretty awesome project manager, and when we go into the boardroom tomorrow, you know who I’m going to throw under the bus? The damn chicken that crapped all over our car.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Fine. Goodbye, Summer. Whatever.
So yes, summer is over. And this has put my mood into such mourning. I always feel like a little piece of me dies at the end of each summer. And I wish after that statement, someone could roll their eyes at me and say, “GAWD, you’re so dramatic.” But no one can. BECAUSE IT’S THE TRUTH. Overall, I think I’m a much better human being in the summer than any other time of year. I smile more, I’m nicer to strangers, and for the love – I’m tan.
So here’s my list of reasons Why the Summer Should Return and Give Global Warming One Redeeming Factor.
1. I prefer summer clothes. Please let me wear dresses and skirts every single day. I hate sweaters oh so much. I am a petite girl who feels swallowed and scared of sweaters. Remember on Friends when Phoebe is trying to put on a sweater but she’s really struggling to get it on? Her head gets caught and she shouts out “Monica, I’m scared!” This is exactly how I feel every time I put on a stupid sweater. Is this going to be the time I get caught and no one is around to save me?
2. I hate wet jeans. This isn’t a problem for the majority of the country, but I live in a little corner in which there’s a slight drizzle 90% of the day. Which means the ground is always wet. Which means my jeans always get wet. And oh this angers me. I end up walking on my tippy-toes while tugging my jeans up; it’s not a flattering look.
3. I’d rather pick berries than go snow-skiing. Berry picking is actually better for your health: you don’t have to feel claustrophobic in clothes, berries provide antioxidants, and it is extremely rare for someone to plow into you from behind or for you to lose your balance and plummet down the mountain.
4. I have more lazy Saturdays when it’s not summer. I sleep more, and Matt and I spend the day watching movies and eating junk food in our pajamas. Which sounds nice occasionally, but we do this EVERY SATURDAY that the sun is not out.
5. I can’t handle all the football. It’s loud and obnoxious and, frankly, it doesn’t look that hard. I could do it. So football? BIG WHOOP.
6. I’m happier when I’m warm. Nothing puts me in a bad mood faster than being cold. I can’t get comfortable, I don’t feel like talking, and I definitely don’t feel like moving around outside. This makes it difficult to go out since Portland doesn’t believe in parking lots and every restaurant you want to go to requires a 7 block walk. Thank goodness for a husband who doesn’t mind dropping me off while he circles the entire city looking for a parking spot.
7. Matt and I have a recurring fight in the winter. He says, “You can’t wear that.” I say, “Why not?” He says, “It’s 40 degrees outside and a silk strapless top won’t keep you warm.” I say, “I don’t care! I refuse to let this stupid cold weather dictate how I dress!” He rolls his eyes and walks away. Later I say, “I’m freeeeeeezing! Can I wear your jacket?” He says, “BITCH I warned you! Get your own jacket!” (So Matt is actually quite kind to me and will usually offer his jacket before I ask. But I bet that’s what he’s thinking in his head since we really do have this discussion every single time we go out. He even has nightmares about it in the summer. True story. Ask him.)
8. Our car’s leather seats are awfully uncomfortable when they are cold. And I love the idea of starting the car 5 minutes before I leave, but I feel a bit guilty letting the car run when it’s not in use. I’m torn on this.
9. It gets dark at 4:30!!! I strongly believe Oprah should not be watched in the dark. Nor should I go to work before the sun gets up and leave after it’s already down. Which is why I have given up working.
10. I fall in the winter. I like to think I’m a fairly graceful person, as in I can at least walk straight without looking like a total goon. But since living in Portland, I have fallen while crossing streets, walking into a store, and leaving my own house. I think it’s a combination of walking on my tippy-toes to avoid wet jeans and walking in heels on slippery and icy steps. And each one of my falls has left bruises on my body and rips in my clothes. So I guess I’m not that graceful.
So, fine. Summer I can’t keep you from leaving me, but know I will always welcome you back with open arms and a bbq.
So here’s my list of reasons Why the Summer Should Return and Give Global Warming One Redeeming Factor.
1. I prefer summer clothes. Please let me wear dresses and skirts every single day. I hate sweaters oh so much. I am a petite girl who feels swallowed and scared of sweaters. Remember on Friends when Phoebe is trying to put on a sweater but she’s really struggling to get it on? Her head gets caught and she shouts out “Monica, I’m scared!” This is exactly how I feel every time I put on a stupid sweater. Is this going to be the time I get caught and no one is around to save me?
2. I hate wet jeans. This isn’t a problem for the majority of the country, but I live in a little corner in which there’s a slight drizzle 90% of the day. Which means the ground is always wet. Which means my jeans always get wet. And oh this angers me. I end up walking on my tippy-toes while tugging my jeans up; it’s not a flattering look.
3. I’d rather pick berries than go snow-skiing. Berry picking is actually better for your health: you don’t have to feel claustrophobic in clothes, berries provide antioxidants, and it is extremely rare for someone to plow into you from behind or for you to lose your balance and plummet down the mountain.
4. I have more lazy Saturdays when it’s not summer. I sleep more, and Matt and I spend the day watching movies and eating junk food in our pajamas. Which sounds nice occasionally, but we do this EVERY SATURDAY that the sun is not out.
5. I can’t handle all the football. It’s loud and obnoxious and, frankly, it doesn’t look that hard. I could do it. So football? BIG WHOOP.
6. I’m happier when I’m warm. Nothing puts me in a bad mood faster than being cold. I can’t get comfortable, I don’t feel like talking, and I definitely don’t feel like moving around outside. This makes it difficult to go out since Portland doesn’t believe in parking lots and every restaurant you want to go to requires a 7 block walk. Thank goodness for a husband who doesn’t mind dropping me off while he circles the entire city looking for a parking spot.
7. Matt and I have a recurring fight in the winter. He says, “You can’t wear that.” I say, “Why not?” He says, “It’s 40 degrees outside and a silk strapless top won’t keep you warm.” I say, “I don’t care! I refuse to let this stupid cold weather dictate how I dress!” He rolls his eyes and walks away. Later I say, “I’m freeeeeeezing! Can I wear your jacket?” He says, “BITCH I warned you! Get your own jacket!” (So Matt is actually quite kind to me and will usually offer his jacket before I ask. But I bet that’s what he’s thinking in his head since we really do have this discussion every single time we go out. He even has nightmares about it in the summer. True story. Ask him.)
8. Our car’s leather seats are awfully uncomfortable when they are cold. And I love the idea of starting the car 5 minutes before I leave, but I feel a bit guilty letting the car run when it’s not in use. I’m torn on this.
9. It gets dark at 4:30!!! I strongly believe Oprah should not be watched in the dark. Nor should I go to work before the sun gets up and leave after it’s already down. Which is why I have given up working.
10. I fall in the winter. I like to think I’m a fairly graceful person, as in I can at least walk straight without looking like a total goon. But since living in Portland, I have fallen while crossing streets, walking into a store, and leaving my own house. I think it’s a combination of walking on my tippy-toes to avoid wet jeans and walking in heels on slippery and icy steps. And each one of my falls has left bruises on my body and rips in my clothes. So I guess I’m not that graceful.
So, fine. Summer I can’t keep you from leaving me, but know I will always welcome you back with open arms and a bbq.
Monday, September 10, 2007
3 Year Olds
For a year now, I've worked with the 2 year olds at our church, but recently I moved to the 3s room. The 2s were fun, but the 3 year olds? They know how to tell some kick-ass stories and do some hilarious things. Yesterday was my time to be with the kids, and it was so refreshing to remove myself from the stupid adult world that's been making me all mopey and weepy. Instead, I played with the legos and drew a picture of my mom and ate some animal crackers while making monkey noises. My only complaint is that I couldn't get in the moon walk (or bounce house, whatever you called it as a kiddo) -- apparently I'm too big or something.
During circle time, we discussed that God made today to which a child shouted out: "God also made the alligators!" God made today and alligators. Got it?
After our very brief discussion, we sang This is the day, this is the day, that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made... When we were done, we asked the kids if there were any other songs they'd like to sing. Well, one little boy clearly must have all the right answers so he suggested Jesus Loves Me. After singing that song, we asked if there were any other songs they'd like to sing.
"Jingle Bells!"
"Yeah, Jingle Bells!"
The other teachers and I looked at each other and didn't really have a good reason not to sing. So in a very hot gym on a very hot day, ten little children and 3 big people sang Jingle Bells.
During circle time, we discussed that God made today to which a child shouted out: "God also made the alligators!" God made today and alligators. Got it?
After our very brief discussion, we sang This is the day, this is the day, that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made... When we were done, we asked the kids if there were any other songs they'd like to sing. Well, one little boy clearly must have all the right answers so he suggested Jesus Loves Me. After singing that song, we asked if there were any other songs they'd like to sing.
"Jingle Bells!"
"Yeah, Jingle Bells!"
The other teachers and I looked at each other and didn't really have a good reason not to sing. So in a very hot gym on a very hot day, ten little children and 3 big people sang Jingle Bells.
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