Fine. Goodbye, Summer. Whatever.

So yes, summer is over. And this has put my mood into such mourning. I always feel like a little piece of me dies at the end of each summer. And I wish after that statement, someone could roll their eyes at me and say, “GAWD, you’re so dramatic.” But no one can. BECAUSE IT’S THE TRUTH. Overall, I think I’m a much better human being in the summer than any other time of year. I smile more, I’m nicer to strangers, and for the love – I’m tan.

So here’s my list of reasons Why the Summer Should Return and Give Global Warming One Redeeming Factor.

1. I prefer summer clothes. Please let me wear dresses and skirts every single day. I hate sweaters oh so much. I am a petite girl who feels swallowed and scared of sweaters. Remember on Friends when Phoebe is trying to put on a sweater but she’s really struggling to get it on? Her head gets caught and she shouts out “Monica, I’m scared!” This is exactly how I feel every time I put on a stupid sweater. Is this going to be the time I get caught and no one is around to save me?
2. I hate wet jeans. This isn’t a problem for the majority of the country, but I live in a little corner in which there’s a slight drizzle 90% of the day. Which means the ground is always wet. Which means my jeans always get wet. And oh this angers me. I end up walking on my tippy-toes while tugging my jeans up; it’s not a flattering look.
3. I’d rather pick berries than go snow-skiing. Berry picking is actually better for your health: you don’t have to feel claustrophobic in clothes, berries provide antioxidants, and it is extremely rare for someone to plow into you from behind or for you to lose your balance and plummet down the mountain.
4. I have more lazy Saturdays when it’s not summer. I sleep more, and Matt and I spend the day watching movies and eating junk food in our pajamas. Which sounds nice occasionally, but we do this EVERY SATURDAY that the sun is not out.
5. I can’t handle all the football. It’s loud and obnoxious and, frankly, it doesn’t look that hard. I could do it. So football? BIG WHOOP.
6. I’m happier when I’m warm. Nothing puts me in a bad mood faster than being cold. I can’t get comfortable, I don’t feel like talking, and I definitely don’t feel like moving around outside. This makes it difficult to go out since Portland doesn’t believe in parking lots and every restaurant you want to go to requires a 7 block walk. Thank goodness for a husband who doesn’t mind dropping me off while he circles the entire city looking for a parking spot.
7. Matt and I have a recurring fight in the winter. He says, “You can’t wear that.” I say, “Why not?” He says, “It’s 40 degrees outside and a silk strapless top won’t keep you warm.” I say, “I don’t care! I refuse to let this stupid cold weather dictate how I dress!” He rolls his eyes and walks away. Later I say, “I’m freeeeeeezing! Can I wear your jacket?” He says, “BITCH I warned you! Get your own jacket!” (So Matt is actually quite kind to me and will usually offer his jacket before I ask. But I bet that’s what he’s thinking in his head since we really do have this discussion every single time we go out. He even has nightmares about it in the summer. True story. Ask him.)
8. Our car’s leather seats are awfully uncomfortable when they are cold. And I love the idea of starting the car 5 minutes before I leave, but I feel a bit guilty letting the car run when it’s not in use. I’m torn on this.
9. It gets dark at 4:30!!! I strongly believe Oprah should not be watched in the dark. Nor should I go to work before the sun gets up and leave after it’s already down. Which is why I have given up working.
10. I fall in the winter. I like to think I’m a fairly graceful person, as in I can at least walk straight without looking like a total goon. But since living in Portland, I have fallen while crossing streets, walking into a store, and leaving my own house. I think it’s a combination of walking on my tippy-toes to avoid wet jeans and walking in heels on slippery and icy steps. And each one of my falls has left bruises on my body and rips in my clothes. So I guess I’m not that graceful.

So, fine. Summer I can’t keep you from leaving me, but know I will always welcome you back with open arms and a bbq.