What Comes Next

Every other Tuesday morning, I attend a women’s bible study at church. We spend a good portion of our time in small groups, talking and praying. It has been so good for my soul to be around other women, women who love Jesus with me, who are bolder when they pray than I ever think to be, and who are flawed but honest about it.

Mary’s youngest son is in my preschool class on Sundays. Our conversations are always brief when she drops off her son, but I’ve finally gotten to know her through our morning bible study. And that woman loves Jesus and people in big ways.

At our last bible study, Mary shared some challenges about motherhood. I shared about this waiting period I feel I’m stuck in – after getting laid off, and then not getting rehired, I’m pretty interested to figure out what’s next. When it came time to pray, Mary caught my attention as she prayed God, give Nicole a teaching job. Just like that. Her words made me sit up and watch her as she just kept praying.

I thought it was a nice gesture on her part, but it certainly took me by surprise. I didn’t ask for prayer. I thought I made it clear I was done with teaching – that I don’t even look for teaching jobs anymore. I’ve finally reached some level of contentment as a substitute, and I’m getting pretty good at being a part-time housewife. So it was kind of Mary to pray for a job but not necessary.

The next afternoon I got a phone call from my old school. A position opened up, and they wanted to interview me. I went, and my vice-principal and I had a casual conversation because he said he didn’t really need to interview me since, you know, I’ve worked there before and all. And the next day, my old school officially offered me another job. I took it, and then I cried as I called Matt and then my mom.

I cried because I could have never imagined this happening. I cried because I thought I had finally moved on. I cried for my tender ego, for my huge lump of pride. I cried because I had just finished Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. And the most shallow, honest reason of them all? I cried because I felt like the school’s bitch – hey, we need a teacher! Call up that one girl! She’ll always come back!

But let me set the record straight: I AIN’T NO HOLLABACK GIRL.

Except for this one time.

It’s now been over a week since I accepted the job, and each day I get a little bit more excited. Frankly, subbing is stupid. And I miss teaching; I miss the relationships. As much as I wanted to convince myself I didn’t want to teach anymore, I knew that was a super big, super fat lie.

I don’t claim to understand prayer, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t get this job JUST because Mary prayed for me. My journal is filled with my own questions and heartaches and surrendering this WHOLE OBNOXIOUS THING. But I also believe Mary is no coincidence, either.

What I really believe? I’m not sure. But I trust a God who knows better than I do, and, thankfully, has shown me what’s next.