First Day on the Job

When I took a subbing job today, it said it was for a middle school Language Arts teacher. When I showed up, my schedule included 3 keyboarding classes and a PE class.

I don’t do PE.

I was wearing my Rachel Green dress with heels. Below is what my dress looked like, except it went to my knees – I’m not THAT teacher.


Most teachers are very casual, but since I look about 18 on a good day, I try to compensate by always dressing up. My motto: I’d rather be overdressed than underdressed. I think more people should make that their motto, too. Just sayin’.

So there I stood in the gym with my dress and heels taking attendance. But this was not the first time I found myself in this situation; last time it happened, I was wearing a pencil skirt and heels. I guess it stands to reason that no matter how old I get, I will NEVER feel comfortable in a PE class.

The students today were to practice throwing a football using the right techniques. Right techniques? Like don’t hit anybody in the face? That’s about as technical as my football-throwing knowledge gets. But on the lesson plan that the teacher left, she said for me to “demonstrate throwing a football for the students to see.”

OH HELL NO.

I don’t throw footballs. I CAN’T throw footballs. And doesn’t it seem a bit unfair that she would assume I could? What if I was a handless substitute? Or someone who is unable to do anything athletic? I’m good at bocce ball, and that’s about it.

So I found two boys who demonstrated for the class. And this is what I learned: opposite foot forward, fingertips on the spiral, hand near the back of the ball. Piece of cake.

And what did I add? Don’t hit me in the face.