If there’s one thing I absolutely CANNOT stand to discuss it’s that thing you do in the bathroom that requires more than one wipe. But I’m going to challenge myself to talk about it. (Oh GOD. What if I’m the only one that requires more than one wipe and I just totally embarrassed myself?) (Just got off the phone with Matt to confirm he also uses more than one wipe. In fact, he said that if you don’t then you’re DIRTY. So there.)
My dog Taylor and I have had a really rough week. Here’s the thing: I’m not an animal person. And I know that’s not a good thing to admit. I love my dog, but I don’t really feel affection toward other animals. It’s just not who I am. It’s the same as all those parents who say they’re not kid people, but they mostly like their own kids. I get it. But this week, Taylor and I had a major meltdown, and I really wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to look her in the face again.
She ate her own poop.
Last Thursday, Matt and I were sitting on the back porch, drinking wine, and playing cards. Taylor was outside with us. Everything was normal; it could have been any other night of the week, and we would have been doing the exact same thing.
“I think Skip-Bo is a good name for a kid.”
“It’s your turn, Nic.”
“Think about it… go to your room, Skip-Bo!”
“What’s Taylor eating?”
“Probably an apple.”
Matt got up to check on her while I sipped my wine.
“It’s poop! She was eating her poop!”
“SHIT.”
After reprimanding her, we continued our game. But we couldn’t concentrate; I mean, she kept breathing and coming near us like everything was cool. AND IT SO WAS NOT. I kept wondering where we went wrong. The past few days I had been moody (some might call it PMS), and I know I took it out on Taylor. Was this her attempt to get back at me? You know, 9 times out of 10 Matt is the one who gets the brunt of my moodiness, and he’s never eaten his own poop, TAYLOR. That would be grounds for separate beds. FOREVER.
We quickly wrapped up the game and I went inside to consult with Google while Matt gave Taylor a bath and brushed her teeth. Turns out most dogs eat their poop at some point or another, and it’s usually not a big deal unless it becomes habitual, which it hasn’t.
But this doesn’t mean I still wasn’t thoroughly disgusted by her. I gave her the cold shoulder for two solid days. As I was putting away the recycling one evening, Taylor came and sat by me at a distance. She looked sad, lonely, and apologetic. And then I felt terrible. I hugged her, apologized, and gave her a treat. Because, after all, everyone makes mistakes. Some just make you want to vomit – A LOT.
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8 comments:
Oh my - that is the bestest, most well written, and funny post. I love it... here's hoping that this eating poop thing becomes habitual!
Aw, poor Tay-Tay! Why did she do it? We may never know. Glad you two made up, and sorry she had stinky breath.
I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to blog about the perils of having (I mean HAVING) to go #2 at work, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I told Sarah if I were a stand-up comic, I'd do a whole bit about it. But I'm not. So someone else needs to take my idea.
Rufus ate some cat poop last night (we were visiting Ellie), but, I have to admit, that didn't make me any less warm towards him. And that is probably gross.
I always run the other direction when it comes to bodily fluids, but my mom says that it's different when it's your own kids. If Rufus is any indication of that, I believe her. Of course, he may be as close as I ever come to having my own kids.
Wanna hear something even worse? My dog Rusty used to love eating poo so much that when I had a roommate with a dog, I would take them on walks and have to hold Rusty back from eating the fresh-from-the-source poo Sammie was leaving behind. It was apparently his favorite treat. Disgusting. I've heard that they do that when they have a poor diet but I don't know if that's really true. Mom dogs sometimes eat poo so it doesn't smell up their "den" where they keep their puppies, so maybe Taylor learned it from her momma.
Anyway, looks like you'll need to get a pooper scooper if you ever want to be licked on the hand again without the after effect of needing to barf or do a body scrub.
Funny, I mentioned poop in my post today, but it was human poop that I had to clean up myself.
Cleo occasionally likes to roll in other dogs' poop, for which I yell at her a lot, but I have never seen her eating any.
David's dog Eddy, on the other hand, eats the cat's poop all the time. When I found that out, I didn't let her lick me for a few days. But then I gave in, because well, I AM an animal person.
hello there. i have no good dog poop stories, which is just good. but i wanted to tell you i just moved to a street called north tatum in phoenix. i thought of you and your husband. hope things are great.
Oh geez, this was written so well. In fact, reading it has been the high of an otherwise-crappy day.
this made me laugh plum outloud in a public place where everybody around me is using inside voices. excrement! i mean, excellent!
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