The Trouble With Starting Over

In Portland, during the summers when I wasn’t working (but still getting paid, which is infinitely better than not), I spent a lot of time hanging out with my girlfriends. We’d get coffee, see a movie, go to a happy hour, or shop.

The one thing that has kept me from going completely nuts moving to a new town is that I do have a few old friends in the area, good friends from college and high school. I’m not working, Matt works from home, and we haven’t found a church, so if it weren’t for the relationships I already had, then I’d be one lonely girl. Poor lonely Nicole.

The other day, Matt and I went to lunch together. This cute girl sat across from us, and I mentioned our friend Dave should ask her out. (Never mind the fact that we no longer live in the same town; it’s just an old habit, I suppose.) Then I said that I wanted to be friends with her for several reasons.

1) We were both eating at a vegan restaurant, so maybe we have similar food habits.
2) She had bangs. There is something about bangs on a person that makes me automatically like them. It’s like we could sit around and dream about the 60s together.
3) I wanted to wear her clothes, which means she would be a good shopping friend.

I jokingly told Matt I wanted to ask her to hang out, and he laughed loudly and said NO. But seriously, how awkward would it be if I went up to her and asked to hang out? So awkward.

It’s tough making new friends. Therefore, if you are a friend of mine, please just relocate yourself to my neighborhood. It’s quite cute.
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In other news, I found a piece of diced onion in my clean laundry last night. How’s that for living the domestic life?

Oh, hello there.

I pumped my gas for the first time in nearly five years a couple weeks ago. I looked clumsy and stupid, too. No one was at the 7-11, so I sat in my car for a few seconds before I remembered I'm not in Oregon anymore and I had to fill up the tank myself. I got out, fumbled with the cap, and thought that I really wouldn't mind paying an extra 20 cents a gallon for someone else to do this.

We've moved and settled now, in a new town, a new state, a new climate. I actually really love our new house, the one we're renting, that’s just a few blocks from a good friend from high school. But I also really miss our old house, the one we owned, the one that Matt remodeled the bathroom, the one with the roses I cared for, the one where friends would drop by to drink wine, play games, and laugh.

There is so much about this city that is unfamiliar to me. I look at every corner with a bit of skepticism, a bit of curiosity, a bit of wonder. What will I come to love in this new place? When will I start to feel comfortable? When does this new life start to feel like real life? It's this idea of home that I can't stop thinking about.

When you move, when you uproot your life with a lot of hope and not much else, everything feels uneasy at first. Home is no longer the place on 132nd. New Seasons is no longer our local grocery store. The book on Portland happy hours that we kept in our car is now useless to us. But because of all these silly things, I’m reminded what home actually is.

I appreciate the friends who say why don't you just move back, and the families that say we're so glad you're near. But what I'm most grateful for are those moments in bed, when the lights are off and Matt's softly snoring, and the setting is so vague that I could be anywhere. In that moment, lying next to my husband, I feel such comfort because I know that I'm home; that we are each other's home, wherever we might be.

November!!!

I feel like it's been a bit too serious around here lately, that's why.

Current book(s):
All the King's Men by Robert Penn Warren - This was one of Matt's favorite books this summer, so it's only fair I read it. So far, so good.
An Alter in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor - My women's bible study book, and it's awesome. Not cheesy. Awesome.
And I'm not reading it yet, but I will be soon because I've made it my new tradition to reread it every Fall... Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer, who I get to see tomorrow night at Powell's. YES!

I think I could write about books all the live long day. Suddenly, I have a really strong urge to teach an English class right now. Sigh.

Current Playlist:
I've been listening a lot to my mix of late 60s/early 70s music labeled Let's Start a Revolution.

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure:
Okay, this isn't current, but it dawned on me the other night how some habits are just hard to break: I still watch a Friends episode every night before I go to sleep. In high school, I did it with a bowl of blue bell, so I guess I've changed a little bit. Not by choice, though.

Current Color:
My red winter coat is back out. It's actually my favorite thing about winter.

Current Drink:
I've been doing a lot of black tea lately. It's cold again, and as much as I enjoy coffee, it consistently gives me a headache after every cup. So, I've resorted to tea.

Current Food:
The farmer's market has ended. You have no idea what this does to our household every winter. We were out of town this weekend, so we missed the last one, and now we don't have any produce. I realized this this morning as I was trying to figure out our meals for the next week. When I went to the grocery store today, all I bought was cheese. I'm going to need to step it up tomorrow or else we might die.

Current Favorite Show:
Hands down, Modern Family. OH MY HELL, so funny. Please watch it so it doesn't get canceled. ABC, Wednesday nights, 9/8 central. Matt and I cry laughing every single week. SO worth the time.

Current Wishlist:
Dark, chocolately brown hair.

Current Needs:
Just give me today what I need for today.

Current Triumphs:
Having a perfectly cleaned house for two months now. Want your house to always be shiny and spotless? Put it on the market.

Current Bane(s) of My Existence:
The Jay Leno Show. I can't even fully describe how infuriated I get every single time I see him on prime time tv. I think I've even alarmed Matt with my irrational frustration. But he's NEVER BEEN funny. And he's NEVER GOING AWAY.

Current Celebrity Crush:
I honestly think I'm crush-free for the time being.

Current Blessing:
Matt and I were in the car the other day, and it was quiet and I was thinking. I suddenly burst out, "Praise Jesus for Crown Financial Ministries." I don't normally say things like praise Jesus, but I meant it. We took their class two years ago, and it was life-changing for us. Had we not taken it and gotten our finances together, we'd be shit out of luck right now. So PRAISE JESUS.

Current Outfit:
For my day-to-day... Black puffy vest and my rain boots. It's that time of year!

Current Excitement:
I'm seriously excited to see Jonathan Safran Foer tomorrow night. I hope I get a good seat... or a good place to stand.

Current Mood:
So ready to be done with this thing.

Current Link:
Feed Your Soul: Free Art.

THE END.

What I Would've Said

Four Weeks Ago: We're moving to Austin, Texas as soon as we sell our home.

Three Weeks Ago: We're moving to Fort Worth, Texas as soon as we sell our home.

Two Weeks Ago: We're moving to Fort Worth, Texas Thanksgiving weekend, as soon as we close on our home.

One Week Ago: I have no idea what the hell is happening anymore.

Today: Lord, give us today our daily bread.

I've been thinking a lot about that prayer the past few weeks. I've said it angrily, helplessly, and hopefully.

Today, I feel peace, and I honestly haven't been able to claim peace in a good while. I've hit my point of weariness. I'm worn out from trying to control what I can't, so today, I sincerely mean Lord, give me TODAY what I need for TODAY. Tomorrow, I'll pray it again.

And all the while I'll enjoy a little bit of peace that comes when you trust, obey, and believe.

I Guess I'm Also Wearing Heavy Boots

This morning it was rainy and gray. Yesterday our grass was green. Today, it is dotted with yellow leaves dropped by the wind. Portland has put on its rain boots, and I imagine they'll stay put for a long while.

This morning before I left my house, I put on my rain boots. I grabbed my rain coat. I stood at the back door as I let the dog run out and run back in. I followed behind her in the kitchen, wiping up her paw tracks with a kitchen towel. The rain doesn't bother me today. Today, it reminds me I know what to do. These fall days are so familiar to me. With so many things changing, familiarity can be so comforting.

After four years, I'm getting ready to take off my polka-dot rain boots and hang up my simple rain coat, the one I also wore in Northern Ireland. I'm about to say good-bye to dear friends, pass on the keys to our first home, and leave a church I love. I'm scared, excited, heartbroken, and hopeful.

So in all the chaos and change right now, it's good to know I can at least count on the rain.

Trying to Find the Humor

Friday was supposed to be a good day.

I woke up and got ready, took Matt to the train, went to my yoga class, and planned on starting my errands.

I went to Target first. I only had to get two things for Sunday school: flashlights and marbles. As I walked in, I of course started browsing the clothes. I found a really cute summer dress on clearance and, as I stood there debating its relevance to my closet, my phone rang. I threw the dress in my cart and answered the phone while moving on to get the two things on my list.

The phone call gave me bad news. Shocking, unexpected news. News that I might just look back on in a few years and laugh at how I handled it, but for that moment? It was BAD. It still feels bad.

I LOST IT. I found a corner near the maternity clothes (no connection to this story, by the way) and cried over the phone. I hung up, stood there for a moment, and thought ok, you can do this. Just two items to get. I made it to the toys department and started looking for marbles, all the while crying. I thought I’d gained control of my emotions, but then I started doing that hiccup thing, and snot was running, and I’m sure mascara was around the perimeter of my face. I know I should have immediately left the store, but I kept telling myself two items! You can do it! Buck up, bitch!

Only I couldn’t find the marbles. I started to look for someone to ask for help but stopped about half-way down the aisle. I was in no condition to talk to anyone, let alone ask someone for MARBLES.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for marbles.”

“Why, yes. You clearly look like you have LOST THEM.”

At that realization, I did what was best for everyone and left the store, marble-less. Seriously, could I have been looking for anything more appropriate??

(And if you’re concerned about the bad news, thanks. Pray for peace. Lots and lots of it. We’re okay with some Jesus and some peace.)

(Also, on Saturday I found some marbles at the dollar store.)

Lessons in Prayer

The beautiful thing that happens when I teach preschoolers is that they end up teaching me. A few months back, I was in the preschool room, which is really a section of a basketball gym, making my teacher rounds by playing trains, drawing flowers, putting a baby doll to sleep. I walked over to the reading corner where two of my favorite girls were sitting. The first girl, Pam, said she didn’t feel well. I thought to myself she probably just wanted her mom, but before I could say anything Bellie jumped in first.

“Pammy, can I pray for you?” And after Pam said yes, Bellie scrunched her eyes shut, rested her hands palms up on her knees, and asked Jesus to help Pam feel better.

And of course, I started crying. I don’t remember the last time I was humbled so fast.

When was the last time my first response to an ache, a problem, a need was to pray? Has it ever been?

So in the midst of all my unknowns right now, I think of gorgeous Bellie. Her reaction to a friend wasn’t to worry or to feel apathetic or to even be afraid. It was to pray. I want to pray. Just like a little girl with big faith.

What Do You Mean It's Just Fiction? or On Losing a Mentor

(Talking about Harry Potter. Yes, there's a spoiler, but it's been four years, read the book already!)

During my internship four years ago, one of the classes I taught was a senior AP Lit class that only had fifteen students. It was the kind of class I always dreamed about teaching one day, and I secretly felt sad whenever the bell rang. That spring I had just finished reading the Harry Potter series for the first time, and the sixth book was about to come out that summer. My AP Lit class, made up of supremely awesome, nerdy book-lovers, would discuss all things Harry Potter during the last five minutes of class each day. We shared theories, favorite moments, and predictions. At some point that semester, I commented that I wanted to one day be a teacher just like Dumbledore: wise, compassionate, and loved.

The last day of my internship also happened to be my 22nd birthday. The students came in with goofy grins and whispers. I walked over to the desks to see what was going on, and they all shouted out, “Happy birthday!” I looked down to see a big cookie cake with the words Happy Birthday Professor Dumbledore! written in thick, gooey icing. Truly, my fellow Harry Potter fans, my bright and kind students, had given me one of the best compliments of my lifetime. I only wish I would have had a camera to capture it.

When the sixth book came out, I was a newly-wed and we were about to move across the country. I finished the book one afternoon while Matt was at work. When he came home, he found me curled up in our bed sobbing. We should all know the horrific event that led me to totally lose my shit and go into mourning. (Okay fine, for those of you that didn’t read the series, sigh: Dumbledore dies.) Matt reacted as any new husband might: utterly and totally freaked out. I don’t quite remember how he handled the situation, but my guess is that it probably involved Chili’s.

So the reason why it took us two weeks to see the sixth Harry Potter should not be surprising. While everyone else seemed excited, I felt nervous and apprehensive. We finally went and saw it this weekend. And once again, HOLY HELL, LOST MY SHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE, BIG TIME, CRAZY GIRL COMING THROUGH. It was bad enough to read it, but to see it on screen? Unbearable heartache. And unfortunately for me, the movie theater was on the fourth floor of the mall, which made it especially awkward to walk through with my mascara-streaked face and swollen eyes.

So here’s my review for the movie: yes, it was good, but don’t ever make me watch it again.

Well, Hm.

There's something very odd about being congratulated for filing unemployment. Here's how I interpret it:

Congratulations! You're only 26 and you've been laid off!!

Congratulations! You've got lots of school debt for a degree that can't get you a job!!

Congratulations! You're back at square one!!

Congratulations! If it wasn't for your husband, you'd either be living with your parents or in a gutter with feces on your face!!

Clearly, this calls for a celebration. I'm going straight to my backyard with a bottle of wine and a good book. Come on over!

All Because of the Kitchen Blinds

Last week, I was cleaning the kitchen and quite suddenly I became totally disgusted with our blinds. I spent a good portion of my afternoon attempting to clean them, but FAIL.

So of course, OF COURSE, I couldn't stop thinking about them. Seriously, who knew I could become nauseous over blinds? We had a gift card to Ikea, so we went to get some nice, new blinds (Am I really writing about blinds? God help me.) Only, Ikea didn't have what we wanted for the kitchen, but they did have some nice curtains for the dining area! And we should go ahead and replace those blinds, too! I'm sure they're nasty!

We came for blinds, but we left with three different types of curtains to choose from, a salad spinner, and a floor mat (spending only $20 of our own!). Matt put up the new curtains, and while we loved them, it suddenly threw off our decor in the living area. Those curtains were too green now. But how convenient! We had also purchased some light green curtains that we were going to take back, but why not use them!

So Matt then replaced our living room curtains. Only, those blinds started to disgust us, too. An hour later and we had new wood blinds from Home Depot. We had planned on doing this some day; we just didn't realize it would be THAT day.



We had these bright green square tile things from West Elm that hung on the wall connecting the dining area to the living area. The pattern on them, though, looked terrible next to the new dining curtains. We took them down and stared at the huge empty wall space. It needed something. Two days later, and we found three large shutter doors to rest against the wall. Reused from The Rebuilding Center, they were only $25 (compared to $200 at Pottery Barn).



Next home improvement project? I need to paint that armoire. I love the wood shutters, but it's too much next to the wood armoire. It was cheap, and we're not crazy about it, so next week I'm going to paint. What color do you think it should be?

Also, the dark furniture is an espresso color, not black like the picture makes it look.

And one more thing. Those beautiful flowers? Those are from our garden. Matt picked them, which is all sorts of special. My dad does the same thing for my mama.

And I Have Another Pair At Home!

Today I met my sweet friend Jessica for lunch. It was kind of a last minute thing, so I scrambled around to get ready and get out the door. Because Matt is out of town, I’ve accumulated a few pairs of flip-flops next to the couch. I got dressed in my bedroom, did a once-over in the mirror, slipped on my shoes in the other room, and scooted out the door.

I was about five minutes away from the restaurant when it dawned on me that I didn’t actually pay attention to my shoes. I thought, "now wouldn’t that be something if…" I looked to my left and saw my brown leather flip-flop with gold trim. I looked to my right and saw my black leather flip-flop with a flower on top.

Well, DAMN.

My pair of shoes didn't match. I’ve always wondered how the hell people do this sort of thing, and looky-here. I managed to pull it off without explanation. I ran through a list of scenarios that could have made it worse: could’ve worn my skinny jeans, could’ve worn a dress, could’ve worn a flat and a flop. Thankfully, I was wearing a pair of jeans that, if I walk carefully, I can hide most of my feet and show off just my toes.

(Also, this is the same pair of jeans I bought with Amber, who, after putting them on and realizing they’re a bit snug, I called to ask if we bought them last year or the year before. She said last year. DOUBLE DAMN!)

Anyway, I walked into the restaurant and slid into my chair without anyone noticing. I confessed to Jess the truth, and as she looked under the table we shared a good, long laugh.

Honestly, I think my brain is turning to mush. I have a lot of free time on my hands; I clean, I run errands, I cook, I read… and there’s still a lot of free time. It’s not too difficult managing a two-person household. So, uh… suggestions? How can I keep my brain from sloshing out my ears? Suggest things to blog, hobbies to pick up, places to go, things to do. My brain clearly needs a kick-start. HELP.

Getting Things Running Again

My blog has been quiet for some time now. I've got a lot running through my mind blahblahblah laid off blahblah, so to get all the blah off my mind, I'm going to take a cue from others. Here are things that are totally making me smile right now:

1. Among other things, I planted broccoli two weeks ago, and it's flowering! I love seeing the progress, and I feel proud like a mama.

2. On Thursdays, I take yoga, so Matt is in charge of dinner. My yoga instructor says it's good karma, but I think it's just having a killer husband.

3. But since Matt is out tonight, I ate a bowl of ice cream and had a beer for dinner. It was delicious, although I do think it negates my yoga.

4. A few days ago, we saw a man running on the sidewalk and LITERALLY stopped to smell the roses. It was amazing, and we both sat speechless and then had a good laugh. I don't ever want to forget that image, so I'm filing it away under PERFECT.

5. I had a delightful birthday complete with tulips from the parents, an amazing dinner, a brand new bike, and a day off work. (Those sick days expire, you know!)

6. We started reading Catcher in the Rye today. Few things make me happier than to hear my kids laugh out loud at literature.

7. In less than two months, I will get to see my little brother graduate high school, host a wedding shower for my little sister, and travel with my husband to Italy.

8. Knowing that God cares more about who I am, instead of what I do.

That seems like a good thing to end on, yes?

Summer, Please.

Yesterday, while I was making grilled cheese for lunch, I grabbed the leftover bottle of wine sitting on the shelf and took a big swig. Wine dripped from my chin, and Matt stared. It had been that kind of weekend.

It’s been that kind of month.

Granted, I did it to make Matt laugh. But the point is we needed to laugh badly. We’ve reached that point in Oregon where the weather is old and depressing. It’s still really cold, it’s still grey, and it’s still raining. Do you realize it snowed on my way to AND from work today? Well it did. Now, it’s just raining.

This is the last week of the trimester, and then I get a new batch of classes. After going through painful budget cuts and barely scraping past a layoff this month (thanks Obama!), I am looking forward to the change. New kids, no more nervous, edgy teacher, and better books. I’m excited and hopeful. But I could still use some – what do you people call it? OH. SUNSHINE.

Monday: All Over the Place But With Exciting News

I don’t watch a ton of tv, but when I get into a show, I GET INTO IT. Do we even need to recap my obsession with Friends?

Last month, Matt and I watched all the Mad Men episodes. So, naturally, I started drinking scotch and wearing bright red lipstick. We talk about what the main character, Don Draper, would do in a certain situation – a much dirtier, immoral version of the ol’ WWJD bracelets. I think of poor Betty Draper and understand why my grandma was addicted to booze back in the day. I have never hated a fictional character more than Pete Campbell.

Matt took me out to dinner on Saturday to a new restaurant in North Portland. Usually, we’ll have wine with dinner, but you know what was the name of the first cocktail on the list? THE DON DRAPER.

We ordered two, we drank them before dinner was served, and we agreed that yes, this is exactly what Don Draper would drink.

I’ve been noticing lately that I haven’t been getting carded unless I’m wearing my bright red Mad Men lipstick. I guess it kind of makes me look like I’ve been playing in my mama’s make-up drawer. I’m okay with that, though, because frankly I’ve been feeling kind of old. Do you know why?

MY LITTLE SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED.

That’s right. Steph is engaged and set to tie the knot sometime this summer. We couldn’t be happier for her, and I’m so very excited to gain a brother-in-law who I love to pieces. But the thought of my little sister becoming a wife? Now that just makes me feel old.

But you have no idea how cute it is to hear Steph giggle on the phone. During her toast at my wedding, Steph said it was the happiest day of her life… until she gets married.

Well what do you know? That day is just six months away. OH MY.

The News Called It SNOWZILLA 08

Well, Matt and I are currently stuck at the airport. How fun!

No, not really.

How we've spent this weekend:

Saturday: Watch the entire season of Mad Men. Love snow.

Saturday night: church gets canceled, feel sad, start watching Friends.

Sunday morning: wake up to more snow, start to panic about flying out in less than 24 hours.

Sunday afternoon: drive to the store and get chains, stop in at New Seasons for soup samples. SO GLAD to get out of house.

Sunday night: debate when to leave for the airport to catch our 6am flight. Decide to stay the night with our friends' Peter and Jessica, who live very close to airport.

9pm: drive 30mph across town. Worry about getting stuck in neighborhood. On 1-84 overpass. On 39th. And Sandy. And 66th. Portland is empty and feels weird and beautiful. Barely make it to the Stitcher's.

11pm: Flight still on schedule. Go to sleep.

4am: Flight now delayed 3 hours because the crew needs sleep. Told to go to airport anyway.

4:30am: thankful we stayed at our friends' house. snow is coming down hard. matt has to get out at every intersection to scrape off ice.

5am: make it to airport parking lot. AWFUL. Snow drifts are several feet high, can't drive. SUV passes, so we follow their tire marks. Park, get out, realize if our flight gets canceled, we are, HOLY HELL, stuck at the airport. Our car isn't budging.

5:30am: check in is smooth, flight to take off at 9:15. decide to throw some extra clothes and toothbrush in my carry-on just in case. eat breakfast.

6:30am: find a quiet gate and fall asleep. pray nobody steals our bags, MUST SHUT MY EYES JESUS, PLEASE WATCH THE BAGS.

8:15am: alarm goes off, bags are still safe. go to gate. flight is delayed until 10am.

9:15: flight is now delayed until noon.

And here we wait. I told Matt it's a good thing we're so excited to see family, otherwise THIS WOULD NOT BE WORTH IT.

But hey! Merry Christmas, y'all! And pray we fly out soon!

This and That

Two weeks ago, I started teaching again. The past two days, though, I’ve been at home enjoying some snow days. These are my first real snow days ever in the history of my entire life. I can see why kids like them.

This trimester, I am teaching four of the same classes. Planning has been great, but by the last period, I am so tired of repeating myself. Last week we read a play that I’m not very fond of – do you know what it’s like to listen to students read aloud a play you don’t like four times in a row in a matter of hours? It’s PAINFUL. Thankfully, the play is now in the past, and we can move on to literature that I actually want to teach.

All of my classes are quite lovely, with the exception of one, which is really due to just a handful of kids. I’ve found myself thinking in class ah, this is why teachers burn out so soon. I’m praying this doesn’t happen to me, but judging by my anxiety and the sleeping pills I’ve been popping, I’m going to have to pray a bit harder.

And that’s all I’ve got from my little corner of the world. If I could give everyone a Christmas gift, it would be a warm, quiet house with a twinkling tree and snow outside with sun shining through the windows. A day like today.

I'm Getting Bold Here

I grew up with big Christmases. There were always lots of presents to open, some big and some small. My role as the oldest child was to distribute the gifts and make sure everyone had a gift to open when it was their turn. After that, we’d eat breakfast, clean up, get ready, and head over to an aunt’s house for Christmas Round Two. Again, gifts were passed out, but because there were so many of us (often over 30) we all just opened the gifts at once. Thank-yous were shouted across the room as gifts continued to be opened. It was fun, hectic, and strange. I think the first time Matt celebrated Christmas with me, he was very overwhelmed by all the chaos.

Here’s the truth: I could not tell you what I’ve received from an extended relative ever, relatives who I really do love deeply. It’s not that I wasn’t appreciative at the time. Sure, I wore the scarf for a season or I used the shower gel until it was gone. But the meaning of WHY we give gifts at Christmas always seems to get lost in the chaos we create.

I want to put an end to the chaos.

My parents are excellent gift-givers. My mom knows exactly what kind of pants I wear from The Limited, what piece I need for my nativity scene, and what earrings I like to wear. Frankly, I love Christmas morning at my parent’s house; it's by far the best part of the day. But when I think of the Christmas mornings that really meant something to me, one always comes to mind first.

One year my parents didn’t have as much money to spend on us kids as they did in the past, something that I know was hard for them. But it wasn’t hard on my sister, brother, or me. We each received something special from my parents, something they wanted to pass down to us. My sister got my mom’s ruby ring, a ring my mom purchased for herself when she was a teenager. My brother got an autographed baseball, something my dad treasured since he was a little boy. And I got my mom’s cross, something she once wore for years. Each gift was accompanied with a letter explaining the significance of the item, and why my parents chose to give it to us. I remember all of us sitting in the living room, reading the letters. There was a quiet, peaceful spirit surrounding us. I will never forget that morning. My parents gave of themselves to us, which meant more than anything that could have been purchased.

I’m tired of celebrating, worshiping consumerism – isn’t that what Christmas has really become? Don’t we celebrate the sales, throw ourselves into debt, run ourselves ragged and tired – for what? To buy a gift that we’ll forget we gave, to receive a gift that we don’t care about just because it’s December 25th? I’m tired of celebrating consumerism in the name of Christmas.

I want to celebrate and worship Christ, my savior who was born for me, for all. A baby who entered this world to offer us grace and peace and redemption and himself. Christ gave himself to us. Now what does buying my husband an ipod have to do with that?

The first time we heard the idea of Advent Conspiracy, two years ago, we knew we wanted to be part of it. The truth, though, is that it was hard. Last year was a bit easier, and this year? Well, I’m pretty excited about this year. The point is each person’s response might look a bit different, and that’s okay.

The idea behind Advent Conspiracy is that we spend less, give more, worship fully, and love all. For example, the gifts I’m giving this year will cost less but I hope they are much more meaningful. I’m giving relationally, just as Christ gave himself. The money we save will be donated to our church’s Advent offering, which will be 100% redistributed locally and globally, again, just as Christ gave himself. Throughout this, we worship Christ, not consumerism.



What do you think? Does this approach to Christmas stir your soul? It does mine, and I know it does others. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve always been a sucker for a good conspiracy.

**********

Interested in changing your Christmas but feel totally lost for ideas or need more information? Check out these websites:

Advent Conspiracy: info, sermons, resources, etc.

Rethinking Christmas : a place to share ideas

Ready Made Magazine : more ideas

The Mother Letter Project: a lovely idea and it needs YOUR help!

Living Water International: a water organization Advent Conspiracy teams with

These are just a few I’ve found… feel free to pass on new ideas!

Big Changes Ahead

I have never gotten into technology; I can work it just fine, but I don't really care about having the latest thing. I could care less what phone I talk on, what tv I watch, which computer I browse, or how I listen to music as long as it does what it’s supposed to do. When Matt and I got married and moved in together, he brought all the cool gadgets, and I brought a tv/vcr combo and a twenty dollar dvd player from Wal-Mart. Somehow, those things didn’t make it to Oregon.

We don’t have cable, and I don’t say that to sound self-righteous. We don’t have cable because we’re lazy enough without it… bring in 100 channels, and we’d never leave the couch again. Instead, we have rabbit ears on top of the tv, which I affectionately call Gregor; from the couch, it looks like we’ve got our very own giant roach. It’s not exactly classy, but we hide them when guests come over. (See? JUST LIKE GREGOR.) It doesn’t bug me (HA!) to watch the tv, but one fade-out and Matt is bouncing around to find the next perfect spot to pose the antenna. I’ve conditioned myself to believe that tv is supposed to have interruption.

And that’s my approach to technology. My tv/vcr combo is supposed to want to keep the tape after I try and eject it. My dvd player is supposed to be propped on its side to play. My ipod is supposed to be thicker than a pop-tart. My hair dryer is supposed to smell like fire after two minutes.

Eventually, I always come to realize it’s time for a replacement. Last week, it was finally time to replace my cell phone.

The battery began to only last for an hour or two, even after being charged all night. I let this go on for about a month until Matt finally convinced me it was time for a replacement. I asked Matt to just pick one out for me; I didn’t want to deal with it, and all the options overwhelmed me. My phone and I had been together for a long time, much longer than anyone expected.

4.5 years to be exact – one year longer than I’ve been married to Matt. The cover of the phone still says Cingular, and the 2 and 3, Matt and my mom’s speed dial numbers, are rubbed off completely. There are scrapes and scratches all over. But up until a month ago, it worked just fine, so, even though I could have upgraded my phone twice already, I just didn't see a reason until now.

My shiny, new phone arrived last Thursday. It took a few days for me to get used to it, but you know what? I think I love it. Did you know cell phones these days CAN TAKE PICTURES?

The Weekend

Last weekend, my good friend Chelsea came for a visit. She was my first college roommate, and after our first meeting we were both confident we’d need a new roommate at semester. Thankfully, our first impressions of each other were completely off.

We’re not typical friends. We are both very different people, and we have very different friends, which is why I treasure our friendship so much. I have a handful of friends that I consider some of God’s very biggest gifts to me – she’s one of them.

We’ve had a lot of visitors stay with us in Portland, and I take pride in my hosting skills. But Chels definitely gets the award for being the easiest to please. She’s a photographer, an amazing photographer, and what she wanted to do most was take pictures. So we took her to one of our favorite wineries, and we took her to the park downtown, and then she asked to go to an old warehouse. So we did. And if I do say so myself, she got some mighty fine pictures along the way. You can check some of them out HERE. Don't be confused: they're not our engagement pictures; they're our 3.5 years of marriage, Portland life pictures. Doesn't everybody take those?

So if you live in Phoenix, it’s time you hire Chels to take some pictures. And if you don’t live in the area, it’s time you fly Chels to your home. She is an excellent guest.

Whether You Consider it a Win or Loss, At Least it's OVER

There are two reasons why I love living in Oregon during an election. First, we only do mail-in ballots. I spent one evening researching our state’s measures and candidates and voted on what I believed ALL FROM THE COMFORT OF MY COUCH. And then! I just put it in my mailbox! Some have said this leads to conspiracy (I'm usually all for a good conspiracy, but I've chosen to sit this one out.), and some say it’s not as meaningful as standing in line and being in a booth. I don’t care; mail-in ballots are totally on my top five of favorite things ever.

The other reason why I love elections in Oregon is because of the time difference. I don’t have to stay up late watching the news, waiting and wondering. As soon as the west coast states’ polls closed at 8pm, guess what happened? We had a new president, a president that I won't deny I voted for. Feel free to either thank or hate California, Oregon, and Washington.

I ran into some old-coworkers yesterday who are lovely people. Outspoken people. Very political people. And this video made me laugh so much thinking about them.

I just hope they don’t die.