Wednesday, October 29, 2008

What Comes Next

Every other Tuesday morning, I attend a women’s bible study at church. We spend a good portion of our time in small groups, talking and praying. It has been so good for my soul to be around other women, women who love Jesus with me, who are bolder when they pray than I ever think to be, and who are flawed but honest about it.

Mary’s youngest son is in my preschool class on Sundays. Our conversations are always brief when she drops off her son, but I’ve finally gotten to know her through our morning bible study. And that woman loves Jesus and people in big ways.

At our last bible study, Mary shared some challenges about motherhood. I shared about this waiting period I feel I’m stuck in – after getting laid off, and then not getting rehired, I’m pretty interested to figure out what’s next. When it came time to pray, Mary caught my attention as she prayed God, give Nicole a teaching job. Just like that. Her words made me sit up and watch her as she just kept praying.

I thought it was a nice gesture on her part, but it certainly took me by surprise. I didn’t ask for prayer. I thought I made it clear I was done with teaching – that I don’t even look for teaching jobs anymore. I’ve finally reached some level of contentment as a substitute, and I’m getting pretty good at being a part-time housewife. So it was kind of Mary to pray for a job but not necessary.

The next afternoon I got a phone call from my old school. A position opened up, and they wanted to interview me. I went, and my vice-principal and I had a casual conversation because he said he didn’t really need to interview me since, you know, I’ve worked there before and all. And the next day, my old school officially offered me another job. I took it, and then I cried as I called Matt and then my mom.

I cried because I could have never imagined this happening. I cried because I thought I had finally moved on. I cried for my tender ego, for my huge lump of pride. I cried because I had just finished Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. And the most shallow, honest reason of them all? I cried because I felt like the school’s bitch – hey, we need a teacher! Call up that one girl! She’ll always come back!

But let me set the record straight: I AIN’T NO HOLLABACK GIRL.

Except for this one time.

It’s now been over a week since I accepted the job, and each day I get a little bit more excited. Frankly, subbing is stupid. And I miss teaching; I miss the relationships. As much as I wanted to convince myself I didn’t want to teach anymore, I knew that was a super big, super fat lie.

I don’t claim to understand prayer, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t get this job JUST because Mary prayed for me. My journal is filled with my own questions and heartaches and surrendering this WHOLE OBNOXIOUS THING. But I also believe Mary is no coincidence, either.

What I really believe? I’m not sure. But I trust a God who knows better than I do, and, thankfully, has shown me what’s next.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Why Hello...

Amber did this little survey thing and called me out to join her. And because she is a wise woman, I’m going to do it. Also, today is her oldest son’s 4th birthday and I love him so, so much. On one of the worst days of the year for me, sweet Isaac told me I was the best woman ever. BEST COMPLIMENT EVER EVER. So happy birthday, Ike!

Anyhoo, I haven’t been blogging much because I haven’t felt like writing much. So here’s a list of 7 things that I would have posted earlier if I had been in the mood.

1. The other night I was flipping through a magazine and smelled something delicious. It was a perfume sample for Armani Code. I ripped it out and handed it to Matt (hint, hint). He loved it, too, and jumped up and wiped it on my neck. I squealed out, “Stop! Stop!” and he confusedly did. I told him I needed to wear it tomorrow to test it out, and he thought this was hilarious. Is this odd behavior on my part? I never buy a perfume without test-wearing it first. Have I been wrong all these years with the perfume ads? Have I just totally admitted an embarrassing secret? Laugh all you want, I SMELL DAMN GOOD FOR FREE.

2. I think I might know where I got this idea, though. I received my first gift from a boy (I think his name was Dusty) in kindergarten. He walked up to me on the bus and said he wanted me to have it: a perfume ad sample from a magazine. Swoon.

3. And since I’ve already given you one great way to cut back costs in this tough economy, here’s another one. Now that it’s fall, I really want some new clothes. But we’ve got other expenses like plane tickets for the holidays to buy, so a shopping trip isn’t really a wise thing for me to do right now. I have bought a couple sweaters here and there, and I still like my clothes, so there’s no need for me to complain. PLUS, as a substitute, I go to different schools every day. And since I’m not a sweaty or messy person, I totally wear my outfit again the next day. Nobody knows! Except for you all, shhhh. The real reason I do this, though, is to save myself the ten minutes I spend in front of my closet tapping my chin wondering what to wear, what to wear.

4. But back to subbing. An awful thing happened the other day. I was subbing for a middle school reading teacher, and on the board in the teacher’s handwriting was this:
The less you talk, the more your listened too.
Oh. Hell. No. It bugged me all day long, but I finally worked up the courage to fix the mistakes at the end of the day. I did it for the kids, really. But then I stayed up late thinking about how that teacher probably hates me now.

5. I couldn’t fall asleep Sunday night, either, because I was thinking about something I might’ve done at church that morning. Every other week when I do the bills, I always write our offering check and slide it in my checkbook for church. When it’s time for the offering, I pull it out and briefly look at it to make sure everything’s correct. It’s just a little OCD thing I do. This past Sunday, though, Matt took it from me before I checked it and threw it in the basket. Immediately, I wanted to grab it out and look, but that’s not really acceptable. So I let it be. And then that night it dawned on me that I had also written a check to Katy that I hadn’t given her yet. That in the memo line I had jokingly written HOT LOVE. I panicked in bed until I finally got up to check. Thankfully, my church received the correct one. Katy, your check for HOT LOVE is in the mail.

6. Matt and I tried to nail down our favorite beers the other day, so here’s what I’ve got. Top Five Beers in no particular order, subject to change at any time:
* Broken Halo IPA
* Bridgeport Haymaker
*Full Sail Session
* Widmer or Pyramid Hefeweizen
* Mcmenamin’s Hammerhead or IPA

7. We’re going to Houston for Thanksgiving. We’re going to Arkansas for Christmas. I’m happy about these things.